August 20

Started off the day strangely. Driving to work, felt a wave of nostalgia for melancholy. Flashbacks of moments of desperation, sadness and complete inner turmoil set in. Why do I somehow yearn for a time where I was at my lowest? It could possibly be the intensity of the emotion I felt.

Now, emotions, feelings pass me. No attachment. Just being.

I was never the type to search for happiness. My ultimate goal was, and still is, and will always be inner peace.

Happiness, just like sadness is temporary. In fact, all emotions are fleeting, all emotions are temporary. Peace is constant.

I choose peace.

 

20/08/2017

S.L.A

Roses are ugly

What happens when…
roses grow from bloody soil
what happens
when they bloom
nourished, with pain
Why is blood connected to pain and not vitality
Death but not life

What happens when roses feed off tainted soil
You see,
Sometimes they dont die
They fight, but they dont die
They wilt, they arent so rosy anymore
But, they dont die
They kick through, but then theyre ugly.
They need special care.

I love you

The roads are long,
They are bumpy
I need you and
need me too
Because together, we go
And nobody wants to trace your veins
As much as I do,
And nobody dreams of your heartbeats
More than I do
And I want you to know
That I was afraid
Of loving too hard and
Being left behind
And I was terrified
Of believing that it might be true
And I did not believe
That I was worthy of such love

The pieces don’t fit anymore,
not with anyone before you
not with anyone after you

I didnt know what it was like to love so deeply
Untill I learned to love from a far

You became, and you are, part of me.
I wish you know, just how much.

Take me down the dark road

Take me down the dark road,

The road I fear to go,

The road I love to go,

The road that awakens me,

Take me down the road where all my thoughts are scattered,

On the marble, on the tiles, in the fields, in the skies

In the bathroom, in the kitchen

On the dining table

Moment spent, on the dark road

Take me down the dark road

So I can walk up the hill

And detour.

Enchanted

I love with music,
with words
a pedastel to my soft spot.
I love with silence,
with eyes,
that can pierce or heal
I love wholly, horizontally
not vertically stunted
There is no other way
I would be
than obsessed with memories,
with stories of the past
I am enchanted by you.

Cortex

My legs go jelly when I think of you,
You own my mind and thoughts,
Daily,
Ultradaily
Fascinated by your departure
Lured by your energy
The heart of a sadist,
I dwell on
What could have been
What should have been
What if it had been
What
If
accompanied by hopeless scenarios
A time machine,
Yes,
Thats what I need
To take me back to fictional moments
That linger in my cortex
So human of me, I know.
I feel your pain more than I feel my own
I sense your presence, months apart
I want what I cant have
And I want you.

:)

Let me in…

Somewhere, on an emotional plateau
I will find you and you will stay
with me,
You will spill your fears and everything that stings,
forgetting night from day
light from dark
bitter from sweet
you will tell me what keeps you up at night
and what gives you goosebumps
you will tell me why you run
and come back
and why you are at tug of war with yourself, your mind, your heart
you will embrace the open space
that I have created for you
the void, between the lines
you will tell me why you stay up in the early hours
why you have become nocturnal
I want to help you
I want to heal you
I want to make you whole again
but I know, that while pasting back your pieces,
I will break
because you wont let me.

Robocop

But I thought you told me,
that you wouldn’t leave me,
but you left me
hanging dry twice
like dirty laundry
Second time round, you said things would be different
but they got worse
the disconnect grew
and with your robo emotions
you deserted the field.
And then an old scar was opened.
and can I explain to you….
how raw it felt?
And there is no better word to describe.
The destruction you have caused.
and once again…
Adieu

Blue is and is not my favorite color

I can only write when I am blue.
I can only write when I am red.
When I am white, there is no ink.
When I am grey, I need a refill.
When I am green, I am too alive.
I can only write when I am blue.
Violet too.
I can only write when I am lost.
Rainbows are too powerful.
The light stunts my vision.
I can only write in the dark.
When my soul is weary from emotional soot.
When my lampshade dies out, and the fan roars.
I can only write when I am blue.
And blue is and is not my favorite color.